INNOCENT VALENTINES DAY CARDS GONE WILD

WEIRDEST VALENTINES DAY CARDS GONE WRONG WITH GOOD INTENTIONS, BAD CONCEPTION

It’s that time of the year again where cherubs do their work and prick their tiny little arrows into the asses of unsuspecting people of this planet. It’s that time when restaurants are overflowing with mushy lovers and stores have every possible love trinket and card for sale. It’s that time where men have to think of a smart way to make an evening special for their loved one or else. It’s that time of the year where your wallet will take a beating if you want to please the person you are sharing this most amazing day with. Amazing day my ass. It’s like any other day of the year for people like me.

Unfortunately for me these so-called Cherubs don’t seem to be around my part of the planet much. Either they entirely skip over my town or they simply all died of unsuccessful matches. I’ve been single for the past few years and it’s not because I decided on it, it just happens to be like that. I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only single one the planet hoping to spend all their money in one day on that special someone.



I’ve been single yes, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been courted. Every year I receive a shit load of Valentine’s Day cards proclaiming their love to me. Regrettably, they are all certainly distasteful and from gents who only see me for the sex bomb I am. I grant some of them were funny but some were simply off the charts ridiculous. If you think you’re going to get me with a wacky Valentine’s Day card… then you may be right! I am feeling a little relationship desperate this time of year! Seeing all those couples kiss and smooch like there’s no tomorrow really seems to do a number on me. I used to always think that Valentine’s Day was a purely commercial holiday but after years of skipping this love filled day kind of makes me wonder what I am missing.

Valentine’s Day cards are most definitely the number one choice of gift on this special day dedicated to love. You probably have had your share of Valentines but I’m guessing you most likely never ever had any innocent Valentine’s Day cards gone wild like I have. I would love everyone to take a look and understand that these Valentines gone wrong are simply not the way to go when looking for something sweet to give your partner. You want your partner to be fucking you not kicking you out the door.

I will be alone again on this overdone holiday so here is to another lonely year: Roses are red violets are blue, I’m all alone so fuck you. So happy Valentine’s Day to all you lovers out there and may your Valentines be as crappy as mine and please feel free to share your favorite of these amazing Valentine’s Day Cards with the people you don’t love because they’re probably gonna get you the opposite of hot and heavy sex action.